Over the years, I’ve stumbled upon a HUGE issue that’s come up for women on the path of spiritual evolution and healing: the “missing father” issue. And ladies, it’s a big one, deep and filled with tons of pain. I don’t want to leave you men out on this, too, so if you feel this pertains to you, come on in and join the conversation!
What is this “Missing Father” Issue?
What I mean by the “missing father” issue is that many of us who are working on healing ourselves have discovered that our dads weren’t really around, or if they were, they were totally distant.
This first came onto my radar when I was chatting with a group of fellow readers many years ago. I mentioned not having my father around, and they ALL chimed in and said it had been the same with them.
More recently, an intuitive friend was in a healing circle and one of the participants said she was trying to heal the part of her that was in pain because her father had been emotionally distant. The other participants realized that their fathers had been the same way! This friend told me she can’t even remember having had a conversation with her father. In my case, my mom divorced my dad and sent him away. Still, I grew up without him, and growing up without a father can really influence how you feel about and interact with men, as well as how you run your own idea of what masculine energy is.
Some people are lucky and have wonderful, attentive, nurturing fathers, but for those of us who didn’t, here are a few tips for healing the trauma this can cause.
Tip #1: Practice Forgiveness
The age-old practice of forgiveness is very helpful in this case. Many of our fathers are or were distant simply because they were not raised to bond with their kids and were not shown that behavior from their own dads. Some guys don’t even know how to talk or communicate! They just don’t know how to connect with their emotions. So how could they be present when the idea of it is completely foreign to them?
Whether your father is still alive or not, you can write a letter of forgiveness and then tear it up or burn it to release that energy. You can also meditate on the energy of forgiveness and soften your heart. In forgiving him, try to extend that compassion out and forgive the whole male archetype. It’s painful to be neglected, but if we don’t work on healing that pain, we can take it and project it onto the guys we are trying to date or marry or live with. So just meditate, think about what his life might have been like, and work on understanding why he is the way he is, releasing judgment and embracing acceptance.
Tip #2: Rewrite Your Past
This technique involves deep inner work, but it’s very therapeutic and it does have a lasting healing effect. One of my favorite guided meditations on rewriting your past is by Orin and Sanaya Roman. Click here for the linkand scroll down for the Age Regression, Rewriting your Past meditation. It works!
Tip #3: Work to Balance your Masculine and Feminine Energy
By creating a nice balance between your masculine and feminine energies, you can repair the part of you that is missing or hurt because your father neglected you. As women, we tend to rely on and run our feminine energy and then run what we THINK is masculine energy. But that can be way off, because without a male role model to show us how a healthy and whole man is, we just don’t really know what we’re doing! On top of that, we might be upset or wary or not trusting of men. There is a lot of hate out there directed at men, all those white men making all these terrible rules that are hurting people! However, the only way to heal is to transform that hatred and mistrust that we feel, and to create a healthy balance between our male and female energies.
At the time I made this video, I couldn’t think of the healing I was trying to reference that would help you do this. But I found it! There is a whole chapter on this in Debra Lynne Katz’s book Freeing the Genie Within. It’s in Chapter 12 of this book, starting on page 163, and reading it and following the exercises she introduces will help!
You can also go to an energy healer or traditional chinese medicine practitioner and ask them to help you balance your masculine and feminine energies. We are these two halves! We all have the yin and yang within us, and when that energy is running optimally, we can reach a wonderful state of equilibrium.
We CAN Heal from This!
Thinking about it, talking about it, and addressing it will all help. And then we can train future generations, babies, boys, and young men, how to be present and nurturing. All we have to do is treat them warmly, encourage them to talk, and not make them be this typical closed off strong non-emotional warrior man society thinks they are supposed to be. We can encourage them to embrace their feminine sides so they can be fully present emotionally for everyone in their lives.
Thanks for reading and watching! And remember, if there’s anything in your life that you would like assistance with, I’m here to help with readings, energy healings, on-demand meditations and my psychic development training program. So just reach out!