I had an off day yesterday…
It was one of those days where you question your whole life’s purpose. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? And is it what I really SHOULD be doing?
You know the kind of day I’m talking about, right? One of those days when you have a Crisis of Confidence.
Crisis of Confidence
But let me provide some context for my own personal “Crisis of Confidence.” My work – which is really all about helping people – is essentially based in spirituality: the whole mind-body-spirit connection, if you will. But I don’t particularly feel or look like a spiritual person. In my mind’s eye, a spiritual person looks like a monk, or a shaman, or a prophet. And here I am, looking like another regular old person off the street.
To compound matters, I don’t always feel like a spiritual person.
I’m a mom and a wife, and that takes up a LOT of my time. And when I’m busy being a mommy and wife – cleaning, running errands, cooking dinner, taking my son to the park, seeing friends and family – I don’t always necessarily feel connected to my spirituality. Whereas I imagine a spiritual person would spend most of their day meditating, walking contemplatively, and dutifully executing their spiritual service. I realize that’s an exaggeration, but nevertheless it’s stuck in my mind.
But perhaps the more telling aspect of my crisis is that I don’t WANT to be a spiritual person all the time.
Here again, I imagine, on one hand a sombre monk or nun, and on the other a crunchy, granola-y hippie-sh type of person. Certainly not the kind of people who would appreciate my irreverent sense of humor, or my shopping-happy bargain hunting, or my love for binge watch trashy TV (Netflix + Pretty Little Liars = my downtime), or drinking coffee and wine. No, the sombre group would be in prayer or at church.
And the hippie-ish group would be eating ONLY vegan food (which I love, just not all the time), doing yoga faithfully, and wearing only free-trade garments as they glide through the forest.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of spiritual people are full of baloney.
They act like they are super spiritual. But really they’re just as chock full of faults and bad behaviors and negative thoughts as everyone else.
My mom followed her own sort of spiritual “guru” for years when I was little. And that woman was a total hypocrite, which I realized even then.
She prayed, meditated, read the bible, sang spiritual songs really loud, and did all sorts of “spiritual” things. Then she’d turn around and talk crap about everyone, criticizing the whole world and everyone in it for not being good enough.
And the motives of more than a few modern day “spiritual icons” seem less than selfless. A lot of them seem like image-obsessed, shameless self-promoters, hungry for wealth and fame. Everyone thinks they’re so TOGETHER and EVOLVED because of their spiritual persona and public success. But if you do a little digging, you discover their lives are just as messed up as the average “regular person.”
Just a Regular Person (Not a Spiritual Guru)
I guess my point with all of this is: I’m just a regular person. I’m not more spiritual or holy than anyone else. I’m just NOT.
That’s why I constantly reiterate that I LEARNED to do readings and energy healings. And I didn’t do it because I’m pious or hippie-sh or seeking fame and fortune. It was just a natural extension of my personal search for emotional healing, life purpose, and an attempt to understand the nature of life and the universe as a whole.
By doing readingss and healings, I’m learning a lot about life, and the human struggle, and lots about the nature of reality. Writing about those discoveries and sharing them is fun and enlightening.
Doing readings and energy healings doesn’t have to a spiritual practice. But when you enter an altered state of mind, you often forget about being human, and you enter into the raw flow of information, which can be incredibly revealing. The quantum field of energy connects you with the universe’s flow, and the connection opens windows and doors of the collective unconscious.
In any event, my crisis is over for now. I feel like as long as I stay humble, and true to the path, things will be fine. I can be a regular person with spiritual interests, but I don’t have to become a nun or go live on a mountaintop just yet.